Voices in my ear

He doesn't nap anymore, but he needs to. I tricked him into falling asleep on the couch with me.
He doesn’t nap anymore, but he needs to. I tricked him into falling asleep on the couch with me.

I have been quiet on here lately because I’ve had trouble organizing my thoughts. Nothing major has happened, but a few little things have cropped up in my head that my mind is slowly mulling over and it’s taking me a while to figure out. This post is more of an update of sorts, as I’m still wrestling my feelings to paper on some of the bigger ideas. Also, I took some of my favorite posts from the Prayers for a Pirate Facebook page and just added them to this blog. I wanted to save them here for myself, plus I picked them based on topics I will probably write about again and again, like marriage and friendship and faith… you know, the biggies. If you are a new to this little space, you can easily catch up if you wanted to.

So, last week I enrolled Shep in swimming lessons. They haven’t started yet but I wanted to get them going before our neighborhood pool opened so we could hit the water this summer feeling confident. These lessons are legit. You go a minimum of 4 days a week for at least a month, for short 15 minute lessons. It’s a careful blend of real survival skills, like floating and trying to get to the side, that eventually blends in to swimming but taught without any fear. I’m both relieved to have Shep doing them, and completley dreading them at the same time. We got back in the pool a few weeks after leaving the hospital, and several times as a family after that before last summer ended, but I’m still rattled at the idea of serious lessons. I know the place we are using is awesome, and I know it’s good for him, (and me) but it’s just not my favorite thing. It also brought on lots of questions from Shep once I began talking to him about taking lessons. “Can I wear my life vest?” Will I have to go under? Will you be in the water with me? Will I have to go in the deep deep?”

And then more questions about the accident.

It broke my heart, and it was hard to breath as I calmly and simply answered every question from the front seat of the car, redirecting when I felt it was needed. Thankful he couldn’t see my face.

Shep also had a neuro-phychology appointment where his recall ability was tested. This was the final thing we were super worried about…Shep still struggles to name all his digits 1-10, and occasionally letters no matter what I do to help him. However, he will totally surprise me by randomly naming off all the planets completely unprompted when I didn’t even know he was learning that at Mother’s Day Out. Or, he’ll come home and tell me all sorts of facts about Abraham Lincoln and George Washington. I’m finding he will remember it, if he thinks it’s cool. If he doesn’t, he just won’t. Shep is smart, but I suspect he’ll never be that kid in the class who knows all the answers because he’s supposed to. He’s not a pleaser and I kind of love that about him. Anyway, while he was being tested I was in the room convinced he was bombing half of it, but once the doctor scored his results we learned he did surprisingly well. What we are facing stems from a struggle to maintain attention, and less from an inability to recall information. The way I understood it, further into school, the ways you support a child who struggles to maintain focus long enough to actually learn certain things is different then how you would treat a student that has a difficult time recalling learned information. This was great news to us. This is a common issue, Shep is doing well so far in the 3 days he goes to MDO, regardless of if he knows all his numbers, colors or letters.  There’s no Magic 8 ball here, no doctor can tell us for sure how Shep will do as school progressively gets harder, but we have a lot of hope for his success as a learner as he gets older.

We are now trying to pick the best path for him regarding the next few years for preschool and kindergarten  and I’m learning everyone has an opinion. Some are professional, most of them come from love and wanting the best for little man, but I’ve got to figure out mine, and obviously Erron’s, and then we have to trust it. This is harder than it sounds. Especially for me, because I have felt a little insecure in my motherly instincts since that day I took Shep’s cautiousness for granted. I feel like I owe it to Shep to  do just about anything we can possibly afford if it will help him be a successful, but I can feel my lines of reason getting a little blurry so I need to pull away from all the voices for a bit and remember that I am his mom, and regardless of my mistakes, I  still know what I’m doing.


One thought on “Voices in my ear

  1. Allie – I had to leave a comment because I *just* got off the phone with a dear friend (and educator) who was kind enough to listen to my concerns about my little one going off to kindergarten next year (or not). I’ve asked everyone and their dog about what they think. I’ve read articles. I’ve done checklists. I have gone back and forth and back and forth about what is the *right* thing to do for my son. And, you know what my friend just told me? To step back, and to dig deep – really deep, to listen to that mommy voice inside you that knows what’s best. To have the courage to find that voice and listen to it. So my prayer for you (and me, and all the mommies out there doing the same thing) is that we find that voice and listen to it and have peace with it. 😉

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