Shep turns 4.

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Shep turned three and a half on June 22,  the second day of his ICU stay. At this point we still had no idea if we were going to keep him. A precious friend  bought  pirate decorations and brought them to the hospital room so we could ‘cheer it up’ while we fought for his life. It used to just say “Shepherd.”(Incidentally, this same friend decorated my hospital room when we found out Shep was going to be born at 32 weeks. She’s a keeper.) Now, the banner reads Shep is 4. His party is this weekend. I kid you not, I cannot look at this banner without weeping. Happy tears. I am so, so happy.

When we first got home I would cry at the drop of the hat.  Like, ALL the time. A country song could do it, or just looking at Shep in the review mirror while driving. Poor Shep was understandably confused, so I finally had to explain that I was “Happy Sad.”

It went something like this:  “Buddy, I’m so happy that you’re OK, but I’m also a little bit sad that you got so sick, so it makes me cry sometimes. Because I’m SO happy that you are OK. They are mostly happy tears.” He seemed to get it and now Happy/Sad is a legitimate emotion in our house which works for me because I think a lot of things can make a person feel happy/sad, or empathetic /grateful….you get the picture.

Anyway, for the longest time, I’ve been living in “happy/sad. But I look at that banner, and I am… Just. So. Relieved. Shepherd is turning 4. Thank GOD. We got to keep him. We get to celebrate 4…We get to see what 4 looks like for Shep. What a gift. I’m not sure when my perspective changed, but I can tell it’s shifted. I’m sure it’s a combination of things: time passing,  Erron and I figuring out better ways to handle Shep’s emotions, and lastly, I’ve had the opportunity to pray for another OKC momma who was recently in a similar situation with her beautiful baby girl. It was such a privilege to pray for her. This momma’s back-story was much tougher than mine. I begged for her child’s life as intensely as I begged for Shep’s and am rejoicing with her like we did six months ago for ourselves. Her battle is not over, there are big unknowns for her little one like there are still unknowns for us with Shep’s future. But watching this faithful momma walk through what we just experienced helped me gain some perspective. We get to keep our precious babies here with us,  in this physical world, where we can hold them, kiss them, love them… a little bit longer. What a blessing that is in itself.  I don’t know this mom, I’ve only read her story, but praying for her,  healed my heart a little bit more.

Whatever the reason, I’m over being sad. Shep is 4, and I’m so freaking happy about it. It’s time to celebrate.

Shep's first birthday. We like to set the bar low.
Shep’s first birthday. We like to set the bar low.

 

 

One thought on “Shep turns 4.

  1. So happy for you! After you prayed for someone you didn’t know, you can now probably understand how I felt when I was praying for you guys. I didn’t know you either. I just knew Jennifer knew you and Jennifer’s little Miles was just a little older than Shep. I never prayed so hard in all my life!! I began to feel such love for your family that I felt like I knew you and still do feel that way. When you vest that much in someone through prayer you are still wanting to see the beautiful results! So thank you for doing your blog. Love to see the progress you all are making!! Keep strong with God!

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