Back in the Saddle

Momma and Shep in hospital 2015Sheppy has pneumonia. And we have landed ourselves back in the hospital. Erron was working, so I was flying solo with Shep and crazy Char when the decision was made to admit us. Sister did great…. until she didn’t, and became punch-drunk on lack of sleep and sugar. I was so thankful for my mom who drove up from Tulsa to collect her.

Admitting Shep was tough on the heart. The familiarity of it all was hard to swallow. Chest X-rays, respiratory therapy… all the same things we endured last summer. I felt the tears stinging my eyes while speaking with Shep’s nurse upon arrival, but quickly shut them down. They would have only made things worse for Shep who was already not pleased with the situation. I just kept repeating, “This is different.” over and over in my head. Then night came, and Erron went home. Shep’s O2 sats where dipping, (the same number on the monitor that we were obsessed with last summer) so they put him on light oxygen. Shep had finally crashed and completely panicked when they woke him to put the canola on. I decided to sleep in bed with him to make sure he didn’t rip it off out in his sleep. Around midnight, he wet the bed… I didn’t escape in time. I stripped off wet yoga pants, put back on the skinny jeans and decided I could cry if I wanted to.

In reality, once we hit the one-year mark, the really painful images and memories stopped haunting me for no reason, but certain situations naturally stir them up. I’ve talked to a few family members of drowning victims this summer and occasionally, I’ve wandered back into crazy town after up-close and personal reminders of what happened to Shep. Little-man was once running a fever at the same time another child, also named Shepherd, was fighting a loosing battle in the hospital. I just about came undone that night. Erron and I pulled Shep into bed with us and we both shed tears, for our Shepherd and theirs. Another time, I met a momma friend at the ER after her boy had fallen in the pool. She was still dressed in her swimsuit and cover up. Just seeing her brought tears to my eyes, knowing how panicked she’d been. I was wearing the same thing when we’d come in. I’d ripped the seams throwing on a cover-up with shaking hands right before EMSA arrived. It was a new cover up, I’d just bought it, but I threw it and the swimsuit in the trash of Shep’s hospital room, knowing I’d never want to see it again.

This time really is different, however…and for that I’m so grateful. I think about our experience much less frequently and can talk about it freely, without getting emotional. It has proven to be a blessing, as I’ve had to discuss it more that I thought I would this summer.

For now, Shep and I will spend the day watching the Disney channel and playing Legos. Doctor came by earlier, Shep seems to have turned a corner and it looks like we may bust out of here tomorrow….just in time for Meet the Teacher.

Darth Vader breathing treatments
Darth Vader breathing treatments
Legos-the best toy ever invented.
Legos-the best toy ever invented.

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