Long time gone

I’m not sure anyone reads this anymore, besides my dad, who loves his daughter and subscribed. (Sweet Dad.) But it’s hard to read a blog when the writer doesn’t say anything for months at a time.

Things have been crazy. Work was busy. Then, over Christmas, we decided to move. Our move was hard, I underestimated it greatly, and didn’t pay what I should for good movers. (So dumb. Pay the money.) The logistical aspect of moving basically imploded on us but that’s another story I’ll tell later when I decide it’s finally funny. However, the hardest part was my mom got really, really sick.  Scary sick, so we dropped the move like a hot potato as soon as physically possible and I rushed to Tulsa to be with the family while Erron held down the fort (boxes) at home with the kids. A few days later, once Mom was in the clear, Erron called at 9:30 pm with kids crying in the background saying water was spilling out of the bathroom onto the the carpet of the new house. I rushed back to watch the kids while Erron snaked the drains. All in all, life has been a circus since December.

I should be unpacking, or testing paint colors but I’m not. I should be folding laundry or doing any of the things that you get behind on normally, and I’m exxxxtra behind because MOVING.
But, I’m not.

I’ve missed having a thought that wasn’t logistical or practical. A thought that wasn’t work related or move related or based around a schedule. I miss my old house, with all of it’s windows. Getting used to this home has been harder than I thought, even though I picked it, knowing full well what I was getting into buying an older house that needs to be updated at every turn.  My pretty stuff doesn’t fit on the shorter shelves, the rooms are dark, the wall texture is driving me crazy, and the kitchen is tighter. I KNEW all of this….but it’s overwhelming me. My attitude is darker than it should be.

More than anything, I need some space to be quiet, to listen to my thoughts, and go over what just happened and all my reasons to be thankful. My mom is getting better, praise God! This house WILL be beautiful, it just needs time and work. My kids love the neighborhood and the school is fabulous. Besides moving day, the entire transaction could not have been smoother. All things to give thanks for.

I got too busy to listen to the Man Upstairs like I used to, and my heart is reacting. Our conversations have been one sided, rushed and panicked.  I’m a girl who likes to knock stuff out but today I have an overwhelming urge to ignore the half eaten toast still out from breakfast and gather my thoughts instead.

I scrolled across this quote in my IG feed the other day and it has stuck with me:

“I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer.”-Martin Luther

Can you imagine!? My kids are only gone for about 6 hours at school and to spend 3 of them in prayer feels a little like taking twenty dollar bills out and lighting them on fire one by one. I do not have time for still.
9:00: Laundry and Errands
10:30: Gym
11:30: Office
12:30: Home Depot/Paint Store….You get the picture.

But I’m still today. I have no visible signs of accomplishing anything, but I recognized a deep need to reign in my OCD, and look for blessings in the middle of the chaos. I’d still call that progress.

 

7 thoughts on “Long time gone

  1. Hi, Allie. Absolutely love the quote, and I love your family. I’ve worked at rml for many years, before your dad came. Have great love for him, too. He paid me a real kindness several years back, with one of my grandchildren, for whom i was terrified. Proved to be nothing. Anyway, just saying we at rml still think of your family, and you are always in our prayers. We are all so very glad your mom is on the mend. God bless.

  2. I still read it. Thanks for the update and good for you taking time out of the chaos to be “still”. It’s so important to do that occasionally, and although it doesn’t seem like it, the best, most needed time for that is indeed during chaos.

  3. Hello Allie it’s Sam. I read two things one Shep is 6!!!! How did that happen? He was and will always remain so very very special in my heart.

    2nd you are overwhelmed overstressed and for the moment overcooked. My only suggestion is to remind you that God has a purpose in the chaos he allows. That He intends for us to look for the small beauty and innocence, the perfection in the imperfection of our life.
    Too remember that sometimes dirty dishes hanging things on the walls, is the least important thing in the world. Our God is a God of order not perfection. Alow Him to hold you and rest in the chaos.
    The small daily accomplishments with His help are greater than the tremendous things we do on our own. But mostly that God loves you just the way you are just the way the house is just the way the kids are just the way the world is he loves you in his eyes you’re perfect. When we remember that everything that we’ve done in his name for him is perfect and just the way it should be that sometimes we just need to give ourselves a break and remember that in Gods eyes we are perfect .

  4. I love your blog and the honesty you share with the world! This, too, shall pass! Love your guts!

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