allie weig
the journey of a pirate and his mom
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Month: September 2015

Taking a water break.

9 / 23 / 159 / 23 / 15

FullSizeRenderSister is watching the Princess Sophia in the family room while I’m hiding out in my bedroom trying to pull it together. It’s been a super challenging week as Shep’s momma. Shepherd has been melting down a lot lately, at school, at home, at church. The tears don’t last long, over half the time they are fake, but the frequency is concerning, plus the fact that it doesn’t take much to upset him. Transitions feel nearly impossible some days. Recently, since school started, he’s developed a little nervous tic and it breaks my heart to see him do it.

We saw one of Shep’s brain specialists this week. I am told that it’s entirely probable some of the impulse control issues and big feelings Shepherd experiences are directly related to his specific type of injury. The part of the brain responsible for regulating those things is incredibly vulnerable to anoxia. After more testing, later in the same sitting, I’m also told Shep knows how to manipulate the situation (this I know) and a 20-somthing-year-old counselor (who I’m fairly sure doesn’t have kids) suggests some parenting strategies I have already been doing for months. I would have pursued it further, but by this point, we’ve been there for hours, Shep is whining and performing his fake cry in front of Doctor and her assistant…and I’m sensing I’m not in the best position to dig any deeper into it. I listen hard, take notes, and drive home in tears.

Shep IS sensitive, it’s always been his nature. And it’s also true that for the first 6 months after Shep’s accident Shep melted down ALL THE TIME but Erron and I were barely keeping it together ourselves. We didn’t tow the line as hard as we do now…Shep wouldn’t have done well with such a firm hand and honestly as parents, we wouldn’t have done well cracking the whip so hard and so soon after nearly loosing him.

But we have firm expectations now, and have for quite some time.  At least every other day Erron and I discuss how Shep is handling his emotions, what our strategies are, how Shep is reacting to them. Erron has recently started meeting me down in the Children’s Ministry on Sundays to watch how Shep is doing in Big Group while I volunteer. We feel like we are holding our breath a lot of the time. Erron and I can play it cool in the moment, but when the day is done we exhale and then re-assess. In the morning, I brace myself for Shep’s reaction to the fact that we ran out of his favorite drink for breakfast, and mentally work out my game plan for helping him work through his frustration. My instincts say it’s more than just behavior choices, the science it there to affirm it, but owning that means some of Shep’s struggles stem from his accident. And I don’t know which scenario hurts worse, the chance I’m enabling him, or the fact that his injury is making this harder than it would have been otherwise. Not to mention the possibility Shep is just having a rough transition going to school every day and I’m losing my mind over nothing, just a phase.

I woke up today frozen in anxiety which means Sister gets lots of screen time while I work out this pity party. The uncertainly is screwing with me, Guilt is trying to crawl his way back into my head and start a party with Panic who’s already set up camp. The reality is Shep’s struggles are probably a cocktail of all the scenarios I just laid out. Erron called from work later today and reminded me that whatever the reason, our parenting approach doesn’t change, stay the course, tighten the screws. His advice was what I needed to shut of the waterworks and put my game face back on. Raising kids is marathon, not a sprint….I just needed a little water break. Fine, it was breakdown…but whatever, I’m back in the race.

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The first week of school: Initiation

9 / 4 / 159 / 4 / 15

charIt’s Friday morning. We have almost made it through Shepherd’s first week of school. Besides being super tired, Shep has appeared to take the change well.  I’m obsessed with his new school and Shep acts excited about class even though he’s going every day. Drop off got a little shaky towards the end of the week, but it seemed to be from sleepiness more than anything else. I could not be more thankful at how smooth it seems to be going for him.

However, it’s been touch-and-go for me. I had such a fantasy going in, dropping Shep off, going on a jog with Char, studying for my test while she napped….it was going to be dreamy.  Oh, and I was going to potty train Sister this week while it was just the two of us. No big deal. Tuesday, the First Day of School: I was up before the kids, had breakfast on the stove and Enya playing in the background when they wandered into the kitchen. I wasn’t playing around. This transition was going to be calm and smooth. I mean… Enya. And my plan totally worked, for like, 3 hours.

Then the hazing began. Let me just describe “The Pick Up” on our first day, at our new school, with the unfamiliar parents and staff. Charlotte, my agreeable child, has been on antibiotics for a bad cough this week and has morphed into a monster that looks like my daughter, but acts like a maniac. I have yet to leave any building this week with out dragging her out kicking and screaming. Literally. It would seem she’s staging a very willful sit-in wherever we go. At the end of the first day of school, Shep was so tired he laid down in the middle of the hallway, (drama) and Char was performing her stiff as a board trick, so I was physically unable to bend her back into the stroller without drawing a crowd.  It was the first day, and I was in deep waters. I was prepared to temporarily ditch the stroller and drag both of them to the car, but Shep’s sweet teacher swooped in, plopped an exhausted Shep into the abandoned stroller and wheeled him outside while I man-handled Sister Psycho out the door. I think we left a good first impression.

And that pretty much sums up the week. Between the new 6:30 am wake up call and crazy Char, I’ve just about lost my mind. I’ve been jogging for 5 minutes and I’ve studied about 3 hours and Sister actually used the potty 0 times. Wednesday: Sister didn’t enjoy driving home after dropping Shep off at school. She screamed, “Let me out!” at volume infinity and clawed the door handle for a solid 12 minutes. I kept hitting the lock button because I was only 85% sure the car seat straps could contain the little ball of rage in the seat behind me. Wednesday night: we started our new class at church.  Char misses Shep terribly when he’s away, “Where’s Shepherd? He’s my best friend!” ( I love it, it’s precious.) However, once they are reunited, it gets a little dicy. Shep is tired and kind of grouchy, Char is intentionally annoying to make up for lost time. This week, the afternoons seemed to stretch on longer than usual, thanks to the tiny tempers in our house. Erron got home just in time to corral little people out of the house for church while I stood at the end of the driveway glaring at the car and trying not to cry. My husband seemed confused.

“Sooo, you still want to go to the class?” He asked.

“Yes!” I hissed back so the neighbors could not pick up on my hysteria…”Only I wish it was a lock-in! For the kids!”

Thursday: Drop off was more of the same, only Shep cried because he was tired from church the night before. Driving home, I worried about Shep, repeatedly hit the lock button for Char, and seriously contemplated what my second cup of coffee would taste like if I added a large amount of Baileys Irish Cream. (For the record, I used whole milk in my coffee and called the pediatrician instead…we didn’t have any Baileys in the house anyway.)

Friday: Whole family was out the door by 6:00 am to take Erron to a tiny outpatient sinus procedure, which translated into a tearful Shep being carried into school by a teacher at morning carpool.  My heart broke. He is just SO tired. So relieved today is a half day, so I can get him back early and snuggle him back into bed for a nap.

Silver lining: I’ve talked to at least three other momma friends this week who are also pulling their hair out as their families adjust to their new schedules. I may be crazy, but I’m not alone in my insanity and that’s always nice. So, the new routine won a few battles this week….I admit. But this is a long game, not a short one. Soon Char will start feeling better and next week she starts MDO at Shep’s school…I’m working on winning the war.

 

I encouraged them to run laps in the cul-de-sac. Maybe Char will sleep through the night...probably not, but maybe.
I encouraged them to run laps in the cul-de-sac. Maybe Char will sleep through the night…probably not, but maybe.

Shep 1st day

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About Me

Welcome! I'm Allie. Lover of family and friendship, good books, a good laugh, and telling it like it is. This little space is where I write about healing my heart after almost losing my son to drowning, and also other things I hold dear: mothering, marriage, faith and friendship. Love that you stopped by.

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